This is a wee tribute to Janet Lawson-brown Campbell, who was born and brought up in glasgow, then later moved to Ayr where she spent her last years. She fell from the sky on 5/9/1925 and was sadly returned to it on the 6/5/2006. She was a lovely wife to the late John Campbell (i didn't know him, but if he was in my nana's life he must have been lovely). And she was a much loved mother, nana, sister, auntie, friend who is very sadly missed by all. I know they say she is in a safer place and is at no- harm, but i hope she is with papa and both are happy and pain free. Janet who was also known as Jenny to some people was my nana. She was a short middle built lady with dark hair, which turned pure white as she got on in life. She always wore skirts, cardigans and a grey coat- she had for many of years, and wouldn't part with it, in the end she fastend it with safty pins as all the buttons were broke. Nana was a very kind, understanding, loving little lady who was very friendly to everybody. She was a very strong church goer in her day and had no bad habits, she was also very healthy and enjoyed walking alot, even more when she was pushing a pram, no matter what the weather was as she always said a wee bit of rain won't melt you! My nana simply meant everything to me as for one, she loved me for who i was and that meant a lot to me as i felt a lot of people couldn't see by my speech problem, which has played the biggest part in my life as it, has made me have no- confidence, held me back from socialising which has made me feel left out and as if i was the black sheep of almost everthing, even with family day to day life. All of this made me very depressed as i felt no- one loved me and that everyone just put up with me. It was durig my period of depresson and whilst i was at college my relationship with my nana, got stronger and she helped me see that people really did love me and that i was a part of people's life and even though i had my problems i was speical in my own way. The way she helped me see this was by always being happy to see me even when i did met her unexpectedly as she used to make a joke and say that i had popped up through the ground! Also a few times after college i would go round to nana's and wait for dad coming. I think both me and nana enjoyed this time as sometimes if we were stuck for things to talk about we sat quietly but were just happy to be in each others company, where you could feel the love of a strong bond. Nana was a very independent woman, who lived and looked after herself for many of years after grandpa died. This is the reason for when nana was starting to get frail and not manage so well, she wouldn't let the family help her. And as her legs stopped working as good, she had to let us help her and she started to give up with life and wanted to be left alone, But since she brought up such a loving family and was a very speical person, the no-one would let her be! Nana's illness started when she began to fall alot and lose weight she needed a bit of help and would either stay with some of the family or they would stay with nana for short periods from time to time. I loved it when nana stayed with us as it really cheered me up and helped my feeling low get better by having her there all the time. Nana had a fall in July 2005, which landed her in ayr hospital then the biggart by this time nana had gave up in life. After a few months in the biggart where nana had her 80th birthday, she was moved to a small lady's nursing home in Prestwick called the Salimar. Nana stayed here a few months then she had to go into ayr hospital which is sadly where we got told that they thought nana wouldn't see that night through, so the whole family went to the hospital to sit with her. Me and my big brother sat for a while in the a & e deparment waiting for any news, then my big sister came after her work. Mum came down to see how we were from time to time, and one of the times she asked if any of us wanted to go up and see nana, but when I was the only one that said yes, the three of them tried to talk me out of it, I now know they were just trying to stop me getting even more depressed by seeing nana on her death bed but i had done alot of thinking while sitting at a&e about how I would cope without nana. Plus I had been saying goodbye to my nana in my head everytime i left her as i saw her getting very thin and thought every time might be my last at seeing her. So i was determined that nothing was going to stop me saying my very last goodbye to my sunshine and thought nana would want me to see her for the last time. When i went into the room it was horrible so i gave my nana a kiss on her forehead and sang the song i had been singing for months in my head, what was you are my sunshine! Then I left, However nana being as stubborn as always she hung on for about another two weeks before she died. I spent alot of the two weeks by her side as did all the family as we took turns at sitting with her until her last breath. I wasn't there when she finally went and a part of me was relieved as i don't think i could have coped with it but the other part of me wishes I was there to share her last breath with her. When I got told nana had died, i felt as if someone had cut my left arm off as I knew I could cope without it but it would be easier with it. And i also felt as if they were a wall between my nana and me that there were no way you could get to the other side of it. I didn't really know what was going on in my life for a few weeks as i went into a trance, where I was here in body but not in mind. It was a few months after nana had died, I felt as if my depression tablet wasn't letting me grieve for nana, so I came of them and had a bad few months as I hated the thought of not getting nana a christmas present, so the only way I could get over this feeling was by buying a small christmas wreath and took it down to nana's favorite summer seat, where she spent alot of her time sitting chating to her friends and passer bys! And that made me feel that I had done something for her christmas. And just after christmas I went through a stage of kicking and hating myself because I found out that I was Pregnant as I knew that my nana kept telling me not to have a big wedding, as she told me to get a house, have a baby then have a wee wedding as it would last longer plus she wouldn't make my big wedding, but I kept telling her not to be daft as I thought she would always be here. So when I found out I was pregant and that my first estimate date was the 5th Septmber, I thought how could i possibly do this to such a wonderful nana. As a few months later we got our house and a year later when nana was only two year dead I got married and became a new family with my hubby and son, which nana would have loved to be part of. It was as if I was doing everything nana said but the only problem, I found was I felt as if I was doing it all to late as I should have done it when nana told me and that way nana would have seen it all. Like the whole family we have our own speical memories of nana. Alot of mine started when I was little and still there when we gave up nana's house. They were lunch time to start with she would always give us soup in really cool bowls, they put me in mind of baseball caps as they had a lip at the front which was like the skip of the hat. Nana also gave us our juice in glass cups which I also thought were cool. The lunch was mostly a sandwich with cheese slices on it. I also remember my nana always having wagon wheel biscuits,but if she saw the size of them now, she probably wouldn't buy them as they are tiny. Another memory that was there from early on until we decorated her living room after the flats got re wired was nana's big round rug. It was a mixture of reds,oranges,yellows and browns. I used to love playing on the rug with my cards. My memories of nana when I was at college was her sitting outside the flats on the summer seat with all her friends especailly on a friday (which was bursary day) she always asked where I had been, when I replied I had been at the bank, she told all her friends I had loads of money as I was always at the bank. The memory that also sticks in my head from when nana stayed with us, was she always said to everyone that my boyfriend Fraser now my husband had ants in his pants as he would never sit on the one chair for long enough and then he would move to another one. Nana used to say he would have to sit on every chair in the house. Another thing with Fraser, that nana told folk about was he would keep trying to fix a bit of wallpaper that bugged him at the corner of the fire place wall. She would say to him it dosen't matter how long you try and fix it for it never got any better, she used to tell dad that he couldn't come into the house without having to touch that bit of wallpaper. A memory of nana in the nursing home, was one evening me and Fraser went out to see her just after we got the car. She told us we better get for the bus home as it was starting to get dark. When I told her we weren't going for the bus as Fraser had the car. She wouldn't believe us as she said we were being silly, Fraser was to wee to drive. So we went home anyway as she was getting a bit worked up as it was getting dark outside. My favorite memory of my nana was one winter night when me and my dad went down to visit her in the flat and dad went to the toilet and nana could see a light in the trees and asked me what it was and when I told her it was a full moon, she started laughing and told me to stop being silly, I told her I wasn't being but she thought I was making fun of her, so when dad came back from the toilet she asked him, when dad told her it was the moon. She said that we were keeping her going as i was silly and dad was going along with me, it didn't matter what we said to try and confince her, she never believed us until she got up and looked out the window herself then turned around to me, pulling a face and said yes okay smarty pants! Even though three years have past there is still an empty place no-one can ever fill, a smile no-one else can meet as it was a smile that made the heart melt, even though nana has gone, I still think about her almost everyday and my love for her keeps on growing. It's true what people say that the heart gets stronger with absence. My nana was a fantastic lady who i once and still see as a very important role model and now my wonderful guiding star. Just to finsh I would like to say a thankyou to my wonderful parents and my hubby for putting up with me through my depression and also helped me see the same as nana that i am my own speical person. If it wasn't for them helping me talk about nana,supporting and encouraging me to express my feelings I would have never been able to write this tribute! Also my in-laws, and the rest of my family have stood by me and are helping me get there with my problems! And at times I wonder if my darling wee son was meant to be to help ease the pain of mine and Fraser's three grandparents which we lost within the space of 18 months, he will never replace any of them but as he takes up most of our time it helps get me by. So I hope all our grandparents are up there safe, well, happy and pain free. Miss you all- sleep tight until we meet again, don't know where, don't know when but we will meet again one day! xxxxxxxxx